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Devastation

Our birth mother backed out.

We had our home study completed on Monday, December 15th based on the Birth Mother’s assurances just a week prior. I had even spoken with her Social Worker on Monday morning.  We had an appointment scheduled with our attorney Monday afternoon.

Then, about 2:15 Monday afternoon, the Social Worker from the hospital called and asked if she had called or texted me.  I told her I had not heard from her since our last conversation when she promised 100% that she wasn’t changing her mind.  The next sentence she said rings in my ears, “She has decided to keep the baby.”  I was stunned, to say the least.

Hubby had already left town for a work trip (literally moments after our homestudy was complete). I called and told him.  Numb still.  He called and talked to our Social Worker and took care of the details of our homestudy being processed.  I called and cancelled the appointment with our lawyer. And then I was just mad. As days pass, the anger turns to hurt. Hurt into resentment.  Resentment into physical pain.  Physical pain into emotional withdrawal.  And so on.  Hubby’s work has had him away this whole week; and our home is deafeningly (?) silent.

Friends and family have been so encouraging.  Most know me well enough to know when I am this far in, it’s best not to expect too much from me.  My house has been untouched since Monday. Errands and the like have been abandoned.  It was all I could do to care for our rabbits, much less myself. I returned to work tonight, my normal shift.  So many co-workers excited, as it is nearing the 2 week mark until we were supposed to have our baby.  I am tired of answering the questions. I am thankful they care. It’s a delicate balance between being angry with the situation and angry that people care. I realize, fully, it’s unfair to be angry at anyone other than the one responsible.  But even then, I face judgment and condemnation for expressing my anger toward her.

Why shouldn’t the parent-to-be of an adoptive child not have the right to be mad? Hurt? Angry? Whatever else the gammet of emotions may run. And why should I have to bite my tongue for fear of upsetting the birth mother? I feel it’s perfectly warranted for her to know the emotional implications of changing her mind at the last minute.  Truth be told, she probably doesn’t care. But it would still help my heart to be able to freely express my emotions to her. Instead, I hold them in. Waiting for a safe person to spew venom. And ever so appreciative of those few people who allow me to be ugly. And ungodly. Honest and real. Thank you, girls, you know who you are.

If I could ask you, please keep us in your thoughts and prayer. God knows the condition of our hearts. And it is going to be friends like you that help us (me, particularly) get back on my feet with my head looking forward. It’s a long road to go. And I’ve yet to make my first step.

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Big tiny steps forward!

J&G Bonfire with Buds (doesn't my hubby look hott with a beard?!?)

J&G Bonfire with Buds (doesn’t my hubby look hott with a beard?!?)

There is so much excitement and promise in our home these days!  I can hardly contain my PRAISE and thanksgiving to God for how beautifully he is writing our story.  The last update I gave was Monday after I had spoken with Guardian, and she said she would let me know after speaking with her lawyer.  Well, I didn’t hear anything Monday evening, and again nothing Tuesday.  I prayed, and petitioned, and called on my prayer partners.  I called prayer mamma’s and prayed some more.  I was a basketcase waiting on that call back.  Tuesday, I prayed some more.  Wednesday morning, after my morning prayer time and Bible Study, I picked up my phone, and there was a text message from Guardian!  Without going in to every detail, she apologized for not getting back in touch with me sooner, and she told me what the lawyer’s plan of action is.  There are still a few bumps in the road, and we’re facing an unknown amount of time before everything is worked through, but I am claiming VICTORY in this hour!  We are BELIEVING this baby to be in our arms in the next 90 days.  Guardian and I have been in contact again today, with reassurance her full intention is to adopt WeeOne to us as soon as everything is worked through in the current situation!!!  I wish I could share all the details, but for the family’s privacy, and the fact we live in a rural setting, J&I feel best if we keep some anonymity.

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I received further texts from Guardian today explaining some of the details, and the background of the family.  Please continue praying a hedge of protection around WeeOne.  That the baby would be well taken care of until the time of placement.  That health and well-being are being tended to.  That bad blood not be roused in this process.  That God’s holy and beautiful plan be worked out and that God would guide, guard and direct the steps for this process to be as smooth and quick a transition as He would have it.

One option of the finishes I am able to do on YOUR Farm Style Table!

One option of the finishes I am able to do on YOUR Farm Style Table!

We are still right at $2000 away from having all our funds raised for our attorney.  As a reminder, we are selling raffle tickets for a Farm Style Dining Table, valued at $950.  1 ticket for $10/ 3/$25, 7/$50. The drawing will be held on December 1, 2014.  I will build the table to your specifications, including height and finish.  I have finished tables in Oak, Walnut, Cherry, Black Stain, and painted.  Free delivery within the state of Arkansas, and within a 100 mile radius of any border. If we could just get 200 people to love us $10 at a time, that would meet our fee goal!  Ten dollars!  That’s a trip through McDonald’s drive-thru, a venti coffee drink from your favorite shop, less than a manicure, the newest album on iTunes.  Are you able to help us #BringOurBabyHome?  God has already seen to it that we have been able to raise the funds necessary for our Home Study, Financial Analysis, and Health Checks. He is so mighty, and His provision never fails.  Thank you for your sweet donations and love!!!

Along this process we have been able to find a great network of adoptive families.  Their stories are inspirational love stories that at times make you cry, then turn around and make your heart swell with hope and promise.  I can’t wait until we bring our WeeOne home and join the families who are able to say, “Our home and lives are so much richer because of this life!”

Again, this journey is not our own.  We could not do this without the love and prayer of our friends, family, and even some strangers.  We thank you, endlessly, from the bottoms of our hearts!

With love and thanksgiving, J&G

“Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for.”  Job 6:8